The Omnipotent Guide to A Son of Adam

In the words of Lady Gaga: Let's play a lovegame.

One elementary to this guide is that a son of Adam is always stalked by his ego, or as they would like to call it, dignity. When you compliment, hug, kiss, blow, hit, knee, headbutt a guy, you are doing the same to his ego. The sooner you come to terms with this irritating little fact, the sooner you will reach your goal of becoming the ultimate seducer of men. There is no arguing with it. Many women have tried and failed, thus inflicting unto themselves unnecessary pain by turning their men away to other less inquisitive, and very frequently naked, women. Newsflash: They're not running to sex, they're running from you.

Do you require proof?

The story of how Eve came from a single rib taken from Adam's anatomy is well preserved in the Holy Book. May I remind you that the book was written 100% by men? This is solid evidence that what young children are swallowing in Sunday Schools is the essence of testosterone-based ego, to delude the modern society into thinking that women cannot exist without men. We, women, of course know that this is untrue and quite contradictory. However, your control over your male counterpart is much more efficiently achieved if we simply act as if this was the case; that God's decision to create Adam before Eve was predestined, and not due to 50:50 chance of choosing one of two genders first.

Step 1 We are the weaker sex.
Having read the previous two paragraphs you can easily see the basis of this mode of thinking. Men feed on the ability to do things better than women can like vampires feed on blood. They claim everything; hunting, carpentry, survival, hand-to-hand combat; driving; multitasking. Hell, they'd claim they give birth to better kids too if it wasn't proven anatomically impossible.
Invoking a long and infuriating argument to prove them wrong will only waste precious time and brain cells. Instead, generations after generations of female logic have perfected the skill of using this addiction of theirs to turn into obedient and useful slaves. Admitting you are inadequate and helpless is the key step to getting a guy to do something (or everything) for you. Try this once, and you will see that it is worth the cringe.

Step 2 Men are as manipulatable as a TV.
You will find that exposing your man to different states of emotions makes him more malleable to different commands. There are a mercifully few numbers of ways with which to make a man feel. Once you have mastered these, manipulating your man will be as simple as pressing the buttons on a TV remote, except that a guy has fewer buttons.
#1. Men eat. The ones that don't will tell you they are watching their weight, and this is how you tell good healthy testosterone from estrogen-contaminated ones. There is a reason why most women strive to be good cooks. Use the food. Use them as a drive. Use them as rewards. Use them as treats for a trick well done. Accompany with compliments for maximum effect.
#2. Sex is a man's best friend. Any normal male would pick his girl in bed, smothered in chocolate and handcuffed over his pal dog anytime. Sex beats food anyday. Anyone who tells you the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming a little too high. Treat his little General right, and he will treat you right. Dare to explore and experiment to see how far you can push his little mind. Master this, and you will be playing him like a cat with a ball of yarn.
#3. Men love their cars. They love their women on their cars even more. This nifty little button is useful for the times you need a free ride. Shower him with oohs and aahs at his ride, and you can easily save yourself a taxi ride.

Step 3 Men are never born to listen.
We are. That's why we invented gal pals. Then the men stole the idea before we could patent it and created guy pals, so that they can talk and point and compare their women without being called total dickheads. We are sensitive complex creatures with heavy emotional maintenance, agreed. Unfortunately, our other half has about the listening capacity of a peanut. Sex takes up such a large portion of their brains that it laves very little for fickle things such as providing emotional support and being rational and deciphering our words and actions. Is it really that hard? When they ask us what is wrong and we say nothing, obviously something is making us behave in a way that provoked the initial question.

Step 4 Men are afraid of the Alpha Female.
The idea of a self-sufficient, independent, higher-incomed women is about as frightening as the prospect of a colonoscopy done by an inexperienced new intern. Many women have had to forgo their natural talent in order to obtain themselves men. While this is as repulsive as the colonoscopy to a few women, the alternative is to act like a dumb blonde. Crash the computer. Mispark the car. Lose in DotA. All for the better good.

Step 5 We can never win against porn.
Its as addictive to them as spending money is to us. The good news is it is not a competition. We are never expected to move, sound and lick the way pornstars do. In fact, we should give thanks to the girls who have provided our men with distraction so that we can avert our time into girls'-day-outs and take a break from babysitting our men.

Step 6 Birthday presents.
Every year billions of women fret over what to give their men for their birthdays and every one of them can tell you how hard it is to shop for a guy. There is an easier way to give him a definite winner. The best part is? It's homemade.
Strip. Pull his shirt on. Get on the bed and steal a pose from one of this favorite porn (I told you, porn is friend, not enemy).

And what makes me qualified to write such an accurate and effective guide? a 100% test score in a "How well do you know men" quiz on Facebook.